Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
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("I really LOVED reading next line again and again")
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GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://newswet.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Discoveries of man & woman!
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up .
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip .
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage .
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered!!!!!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up .
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip .
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage .
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered!!!!!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
Simple Romance Mathematics :)
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understandher at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot morewilling to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understandher at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot morewilling to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
Office memo
OFFICE MEMO: May all members of staff please note that there will Only be one drink per person at this year's Annual Party. And please bring your own cup ! Regards, Management
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The specifications were missing in the memo ( size of cup)
Moral of the story : Be very specific in your daily life including project work. Give proper specifications…
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
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And what happened at the annual party !!! (Scroll down)
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The specifications were missing in the memo ( size of cup)
Moral of the story : Be very specific in your daily life including project work. Give proper specifications…
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com
Challenge to Geometry Puzzle any genius to solve this!
Here's a puzzling new discovery:Recently a professor in MIT has put a new theory on right-angled triangles that has challenged some accepted norms in Geometry. This theory, Prof. John Mentriffe says, will revolutionize area in mathematics that deals with calculation of motion objects in space and design of the Universe.
Chakradhar
http://www.chakradhar.net/
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com/
Chakradhar
http://www.chakradhar.net/
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com/
The Best Relation
The best relation ever is between two eyes,
"they blink together,
move together, cry together,
see together
and sleep together".
move together, cry together,
see together
and sleep together".
STILL they never
see directly each other.
But when they see a girl,
one will blink
and another will not.
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Moral of the story:
Girl can break any kind of relationships....
Chakradhar
Monday, January 21, 2008
Techno Kids!!!
The Teacher gave a punishment to the student and asked him to write
“I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class” 500 times on the black board.
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Chakradhar
http://www.chakradhar.net/
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com/
“I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class” 500 times on the black board.
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Chakradhar
http://www.chakradhar.net/
http://fullsyllabi.blogspot.com/
Horrible scene????
Itz not too far?
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Friday, January 18, 2008
TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : >From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : >From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!
Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory.
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus.: How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!
20) INDIAN :: can i die now??
Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
Monkey Brains In U.S. Make Robot Walk In Japan
Monkey Brains In U.S. Make Robot Walk In Japan Researchers believe their latest work will be used to develop prototypes of robotic leg braces for human use.
By K.C. Jones InformationWeek January 16, 2008 11:37 AM
Researchers at Duke University Medical Center have used a monkey's brain activity to control a robot on the other side of the globe. In what researchers tout as a first-of-its-kind experiment, monkeys' thoughts controlled the walking patterns of a robot in Japan.
"They can walk in complete synchronization," said Dr. Miguel Nicolelis, who also is the Anne W. Deane Professor of Neuroscience at Duke. "The most stunning finding is that when we stopped the treadmill and the monkey ceased to move its legs, it was able to sustain the locomotion of the robot for a few minutes -- just by thinking -- using only the visual feedback of the robot in Japan."
Implanted electrodes gathered feedback from brain cells of two rhesus monkeys as they walked forward and backward at different paces on a treadmill. Sensors on the monkeys' legs tracked walking patterns while researchers used math models to analyze the relationship between leg movement and activity in the brain's motor and sensory cortex. From there, researchers in North Carolina and Japan determined how well brain cell activity predicted speed and stride.
"We found that certain neurons in multiple areas of the brain fire at different phases and at varying frequency, depending on their role in controlling the complex, multi-muscle process of motion," senior research investigator Nicolelis said in a statement.
Researchers recorded brain activity, predicted the pattern of locomotion, and sent the signal from the motor commands of the animal to the robot, he said.
"We also created a real-time transmission of information that allowed the brain activity of the monkey in North Carolina to control the commands of a robot in Japan," Nicolelis said. "Each neuron provides us with a small piece of the puzzle that we compile to predict the walking pattern of the monkeys with high accuracy."
The research, funded by the Anne W. Deane Endowed Chair Fund, expanded on previous experiments in Nicolelis' laboratory that showed monkeys could control the reaching and grasping movements of a robotic arm with their brain signals. Researchers believe that, within a year, their latest work will be used to develop prototypes of robotic leg braces for human use. They hope that robotic braces can help severely paralyzed patients walk again.
"In essence, we are seeking to capture the information that the foot sends to your brain when it touches the ground as you walk," Nicolelis said.
Mitsuo Kawato, M.E., Ph.D., director of ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories and research director of the Computational Brain Project of the Japan Science and Technology Agency, said the findings will be used to advance research on how the brain processes information.
http://www.informationweek.com/internet/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=205801020
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
By K.C. Jones InformationWeek January 16, 2008 11:37 AM
Researchers at Duke University Medical Center have used a monkey's brain activity to control a robot on the other side of the globe. In what researchers tout as a first-of-its-kind experiment, monkeys' thoughts controlled the walking patterns of a robot in Japan.
"They can walk in complete synchronization," said Dr. Miguel Nicolelis, who also is the Anne W. Deane Professor of Neuroscience at Duke. "The most stunning finding is that when we stopped the treadmill and the monkey ceased to move its legs, it was able to sustain the locomotion of the robot for a few minutes -- just by thinking -- using only the visual feedback of the robot in Japan."
Implanted electrodes gathered feedback from brain cells of two rhesus monkeys as they walked forward and backward at different paces on a treadmill. Sensors on the monkeys' legs tracked walking patterns while researchers used math models to analyze the relationship between leg movement and activity in the brain's motor and sensory cortex. From there, researchers in North Carolina and Japan determined how well brain cell activity predicted speed and stride.
"We found that certain neurons in multiple areas of the brain fire at different phases and at varying frequency, depending on their role in controlling the complex, multi-muscle process of motion," senior research investigator Nicolelis said in a statement.
Researchers recorded brain activity, predicted the pattern of locomotion, and sent the signal from the motor commands of the animal to the robot, he said.
"We also created a real-time transmission of information that allowed the brain activity of the monkey in North Carolina to control the commands of a robot in Japan," Nicolelis said. "Each neuron provides us with a small piece of the puzzle that we compile to predict the walking pattern of the monkeys with high accuracy."
The research, funded by the Anne W. Deane Endowed Chair Fund, expanded on previous experiments in Nicolelis' laboratory that showed monkeys could control the reaching and grasping movements of a robotic arm with their brain signals. Researchers believe that, within a year, their latest work will be used to develop prototypes of robotic leg braces for human use. They hope that robotic braces can help severely paralyzed patients walk again.
"In essence, we are seeking to capture the information that the foot sends to your brain when it touches the ground as you walk," Nicolelis said.
Mitsuo Kawato, M.E., Ph.D., director of ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories and research director of the Computational Brain Project of the Japan Science and Technology Agency, said the findings will be used to advance research on how the brain processes information.
http://www.informationweek.com/internet/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=205801020
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Ways to lead a life ...
NAME: Massu or Malana, 60
Massu's AssetsRs 30 lakh in properties aloneDay's earnings Rs 1,000 to 1,500
Begs at: Lokhandwala.
Mostly outside high-end restaurants visited by TV and film stars. Working hours: 8 pm to 3 am.Home is: A one BHK at Amboli in Andheri (west). He owns another 1 BHK nearby.Massu's 1BHK room at Amboli. Both houses are duplexes Family: Wife, two sons and a daughter-in-law share the apartment with him. Day's earnings: Rs 1000 to 1500.Assets: Rs 30 lakh in just properties.
One son makes and sells brooms, while the other hawks knick-knacks near Andheri station. He has substantial savings, but would not reveal details. Cool quotient: Massu is dressed in spotless clothes when he takes an auto-rickshaw to Lokhandwala every evening. He changes into his beggar attire near Ad Labs.
During his working hours, he has a complete sway over the area. You will never find another beggar in his vicinity. He takes an auto on his way home too. Stops at Yashraj Studios for a change of clothes.
NAME: Krishna Kumar Gite, 42
Krishna 's AssetsRs 5 lakh in properties aloneDay's earningsRs 1500 to 2000
Begs at: CP Tank, Charni RoadWorking hours: Early morning to late evening
Home is: I BHK apartment at Nallasopara, which he shares with his brother.Family: Brother, sister-in-law and their children.Day's earnings: Rs 1500 to 2000. His worth: The Nallasopara apartment is worth nearly Rs 5 lakh. Krishna claimed he has substantial savings but would not put a figure to it. "My brother manages everything," he said. Cool quotient: Claims he can't be bothered with money matters. He retires every evening to his Nallasopara home and hands over the day's earnings to his brother. "My bhabhi and brother know best what to do with the money."
NAME: Bharat Jain, 45
Bharat's AssetsRs 70 lakh in properties aloneDay's earnings Rs 2000 to 2500
Begs at: Azad Maidan and Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.Working hours: Early morning to late evening.
Home is: Two adjacent 1 BHK apartments in Parel, where his family stays. Bharat, however, visits home only once in a week. His family, which deals in school notebooks and other study material, has tried on many occasions to get Bharat to give up begging and join the family business. Bharat's Parel house where he stays with his family. (right) The Bhandup shop the family has rented out to a juice centreFamily: Wife, two sons -- one studying in class X and the other in class XII -- father and brother. Day's earnings: Rs 2000 to 2500.His worth: The family apartments are worth close to Rs 60 lakh. The family also has rented out a shop in Bhandup to a juice centre and gets Rs 7,000-a-month in rent. The rent is collected every month by Bharat's wife. Cool quotient: Bharat speaks impeccable English. He is soft spoken and you will never find him harassing people for alms.
Name: Haji, 26
Haji's Assets Rs 15 lakhDay's earnings Rs 1000 to 2000
Begs at: Deonar and Chembur. Usually begs near mosques andtemples.
Working hours: Flexi. Picks the best time to be at a temple or a mosque.Home is: A room at Cheetah Camp, where his mother and sister run a zari workshop, employing 15 people. Family: Mother and sister.Day's earnings: Rs 1000 to 2000 .Earnings increase mani-folds during festivals.His worth: The Cheetah Camp room worth anything between Rs 3 and 5 lakh. The zari workshop could be worth 10 lakh. The family earns a steady income from the zari business and his mother has tried every trick to get him to give up begging and join the family business. Cool quotient: He says managing the zari workshop is too muchhardwork. "I can't be bothered with all that. I like to be left alone. Also, I make a decent amount every day.
----------------<( ULTIMATE!!!)>-----------------
Name: Doesn't matter,
A Software Engineer (Double Graduate :D)S/W Enggr's
Assets: Some old C++, Java, Cryptography Books worth 10,000 INR. Rest all Assets are based on EMI's (Easy Monthly Installment) so it's the bank that owns it and not me.Day's earning: Peanuts :)
Works @ : Does't Matter , Sometimes even sitting on the Kamod.
Working Hours: Day and Night
Family: 1 intel Pentium 4 3.8 GHz CPU, 1 Flat monitor, 1 mouse and 1 keyboard.
His worth: Depends on the Tester, If tester files several critical bugs @ a time then he's useless :)
Cool Quotient: Whenever he opens his mouth he knows speaks only C, C++ and Java. Never fires anyone, only he gets fired everywhere. The only time he stays cool is when he gulps down two large shots of JD (Jack Daniel, Obvious someone else is paying for those shots :D).
So Kya soch rahe ho ... katora Uthao Or ... !!! …………….
Chakaradar
www.chakradhar.net
Massu's AssetsRs 30 lakh in properties aloneDay's earnings Rs 1,000 to 1,500
Begs at: Lokhandwala.
Mostly outside high-end restaurants visited by TV and film stars. Working hours: 8 pm to 3 am.Home is: A one BHK at Amboli in Andheri (west). He owns another 1 BHK nearby.Massu's 1BHK room at Amboli. Both houses are duplexes Family: Wife, two sons and a daughter-in-law share the apartment with him. Day's earnings: Rs 1000 to 1500.Assets: Rs 30 lakh in just properties.
One son makes and sells brooms, while the other hawks knick-knacks near Andheri station. He has substantial savings, but would not reveal details. Cool quotient: Massu is dressed in spotless clothes when he takes an auto-rickshaw to Lokhandwala every evening. He changes into his beggar attire near Ad Labs.
During his working hours, he has a complete sway over the area. You will never find another beggar in his vicinity. He takes an auto on his way home too. Stops at Yashraj Studios for a change of clothes.
NAME: Krishna Kumar Gite, 42
Krishna 's AssetsRs 5 lakh in properties aloneDay's earningsRs 1500 to 2000
Begs at: CP Tank, Charni RoadWorking hours: Early morning to late evening
Home is: I BHK apartment at Nallasopara, which he shares with his brother.Family: Brother, sister-in-law and their children.Day's earnings: Rs 1500 to 2000. His worth: The Nallasopara apartment is worth nearly Rs 5 lakh. Krishna claimed he has substantial savings but would not put a figure to it. "My brother manages everything," he said. Cool quotient: Claims he can't be bothered with money matters. He retires every evening to his Nallasopara home and hands over the day's earnings to his brother. "My bhabhi and brother know best what to do with the money."
NAME: Bharat Jain, 45
Bharat's AssetsRs 70 lakh in properties aloneDay's earnings Rs 2000 to 2500
Begs at: Azad Maidan and Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus.Working hours: Early morning to late evening.
Home is: Two adjacent 1 BHK apartments in Parel, where his family stays. Bharat, however, visits home only once in a week. His family, which deals in school notebooks and other study material, has tried on many occasions to get Bharat to give up begging and join the family business. Bharat's Parel house where he stays with his family. (right) The Bhandup shop the family has rented out to a juice centreFamily: Wife, two sons -- one studying in class X and the other in class XII -- father and brother. Day's earnings: Rs 2000 to 2500.His worth: The family apartments are worth close to Rs 60 lakh. The family also has rented out a shop in Bhandup to a juice centre and gets Rs 7,000-a-month in rent. The rent is collected every month by Bharat's wife. Cool quotient: Bharat speaks impeccable English. He is soft spoken and you will never find him harassing people for alms.
Name: Haji, 26
Haji's Assets Rs 15 lakhDay's earnings Rs 1000 to 2000
Begs at: Deonar and Chembur. Usually begs near mosques andtemples.
Working hours: Flexi. Picks the best time to be at a temple or a mosque.Home is: A room at Cheetah Camp, where his mother and sister run a zari workshop, employing 15 people. Family: Mother and sister.Day's earnings: Rs 1000 to 2000 .Earnings increase mani-folds during festivals.His worth: The Cheetah Camp room worth anything between Rs 3 and 5 lakh. The zari workshop could be worth 10 lakh. The family earns a steady income from the zari business and his mother has tried every trick to get him to give up begging and join the family business. Cool quotient: He says managing the zari workshop is too muchhardwork. "I can't be bothered with all that. I like to be left alone. Also, I make a decent amount every day.
----------------<( ULTIMATE!!!)>-----------------
Name: Doesn't matter,
A Software Engineer (Double Graduate :D)S/W Enggr's
Assets: Some old C++, Java, Cryptography Books worth 10,000 INR. Rest all Assets are based on EMI's (Easy Monthly Installment) so it's the bank that owns it and not me.Day's earning: Peanuts :)
Works @ : Does't Matter , Sometimes even sitting on the Kamod.
Working Hours: Day and Night
Family: 1 intel Pentium 4 3.8 GHz CPU, 1 Flat monitor, 1 mouse and 1 keyboard.
His worth: Depends on the Tester, If tester files several critical bugs @ a time then he's useless :)
Cool Quotient: Whenever he opens his mouth he knows speaks only C, C++ and Java. Never fires anyone, only he gets fired everywhere. The only time he stays cool is when he gulps down two large shots of JD (Jack Daniel, Obvious someone else is paying for those shots :D).
So Kya soch rahe ho ... katora Uthao Or ... !!! …………….
Chakaradar
www.chakradhar.net
Quotes
# Sign on a railway station at Patna:
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.
# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!
# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.
# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
we need your heads to run our business.
# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....
#THE BEST ONE:
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."
- Indian Armed Forces
Chakradhar
Difference b/w love and arranged marriages!!!
| Love Marriage | Arranged Marriage |
| Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. | Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted. |
| It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain. | Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible |
| Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding. | Compatible with hardware (Parents). |
| You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life. | You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life. |
| Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. | All these features are covered in the SRS as required features. |
| Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy. | Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back! |
| Love Marriage is like Windows , beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash.... | Arranged Marriage is like Unix ... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust. |
By Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
When you rearrange the letters:
This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.(Wait till you see the last one)!
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:SPARKLING DRIVE
BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:ARAB DEATH
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROO M
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH :
When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
.AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS
By Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE
When you rearrange the letters:FLIT ON CHEERING ANGEL
DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:SPARKLING DRIVE
BARA THEDA
When you rearrange the letters:ARAB DEATH
PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROO M
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH :
When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
.AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS
By Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
The Perfect Boss . . .
There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic project. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work and the demands of their boss but everyone was loyal to him and did not think of quitting the job.
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm. His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today" The Scientist started working.
He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM.
Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss, He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry. The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children??" Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children to the exhibition " What had really happened was ...
The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition. The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..? He was none other than
Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Former-President of India!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him - Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5 30 pm. His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today" The Scientist started working.
He continued his work after lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked at his watch when he felt he was close to completion.The time was 8.30 PM.
Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children. He looked for his boss, He was not there. Having told him in the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home. Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having disappointed his children.
He reached home. Children were not there. His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines. The situation was explosive, any talk would boomerang on him. His wife asked him "Would you like to have coffee or shall I straight away serve dinner if you are hungry. The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too will have but what about Children??" Wife replied "You don't know ?? Your manager came here at 5.15 PM and has taken the children to the exhibition " What had really happened was ...
The boss who granted him permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM. He thought to himself, this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children they should enjoy the visit to exhibition. So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition. The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is done, loyalty is established.
That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work under their boss eventhough the stress was tremendous.
By the way , can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..? He was none other than
Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Former-President of India!!!
Chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
Indian Employment conditions
OLD VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winters, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Comes winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .
Opposition MP's stage a walkout.Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational Insititutions & in Govt Services.
The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice". Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of thedowntrodden'.
MANY YEARS LATER...
The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India...
chakradhar
www.chakradhar.net
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